I was chatting with an acquaintance in the neighbourhood where I grew up as a kid. This lady had gone through a lot, yet she is living a very successful life. She shared a lot with me during that conversation and I realised the phenomenal power of positive attitude and thinking kept her strong.
“Life has not been easy for me for the past 5 years. At times I cried, at times I locked myself inside my room, but then, that small voice within me will say ‘get up, pull yourself together and move on’”, she said.
Nayella is a single mum with two kids under her care. Her partner left her to the wild and until now, she doesn’t even know his whereabouts. “No words from him since he left. The only thing I still have is the note he left”, she said. ‘I love you, but I am not ready to be a dad’, he wrote.
Since that day, Nayella has not heard nor seen him. “However, I thank my two little princes for making me stay positive in the midst of negativity”, Nayella said.
Our discussion was long and intense. My aim was to see what made a young beautiful woman of 33 with two kids (8 and ten years of age) and a missing boyfriend look so positive and successful. She shared her secrets with me which I am going to share with you here. I will summarise them in 5 points.
Don’t Let Negative Events Ruin You
“For about six months I wasn’t myself…no words from him, in fact nothing seemed good to live for,” she said. “There was this day that I looked at my kids and started crying. I didn’t lock myself in the room again, I had a meltdown in front of them. I had to free myself from something. So I just cried in front of my kids and surprisingly, they came and started cuddling me, just like I do to them when they are upset. One said, ‘we will be there for you Mama’. These words cut the tears from my eyes abruptly. I turned and looked at my innocent children and asked in a loud voice and smiles “did you say you will be there for me?” and they all shouted “yes”. That was when I knew that when something negative happens, it brings in something positive in your life. You just need to be very keen to see it. My children helped me to see that. My boyfriend left a void in my life which the children filled. So since then, everyday to me had something positive.”
Most of us have had hard times in our lives. We’ve all received negative news at one point in our life. What happens now is how we react to the negative news. Some of us let it to drown us down. Others live their entire lives with that negative news. Others turn the negative event into a life-changing one. That is what Nayella did.
There are times we just need to look a little harder to see something positive in the midst of negativity. Her source of survival and what makes her to stay positive is her kids. They represent the golden key to her success.
In Negative Situations, Look for Something Optimistic
This is one of the best ways of having a positive outlook. You need to ask yourself questions that will be of help to you often. “Since the day I asked my sons ‘did you say you will be there for me?’ and they said yes, I have made it a habit to always ask myself questions when in a negative situation,” Nayella said. Questions like, “What good can come out of this situation or what opportunity can I have in such a situation?”
Just one positive sentence from her son changed her boyfriend’s short note. She turned her children’s confident ‘yes’ into making life a lot better for all of them. This was her turning point and has been her source of strength and inspiration. “Since they gave me their word, I have to respect my own part of the engagement by living a happier life and being positive always,” she said.
“I don’t use the questions immediately. There are times I need a little bit of time to process what is in my mind, how I feel and so on”, she continued. “It is not only difficult, but also not good to force optimistic thoughts when you are in a sad mood,” she advised.
“If you ask around my neighbourhood, they will describe me as that woman who go for long walks with her kids on week days and some weekends”, Nayella said. “I don’t only walk around with them, but I go for outdoor exercise alone two times a week. Exercising is a good way of getting the stress hormones off your body. When I feel low, I take a walk and come back more positive and energised,” she said.
Exercising your body several times in a week will help to boost your immune system. This will keep you out of the sick bed thereby keeping you strong and happy. You would be more happy if you take on an exercise that you enjoy.
Smile and Laugh Regularly
“Since the day my children made me to laugh in my tears, I have not stopped laughing or sharing a smile. When I feel low, I smile or just laugh at myself”, she said. “I do my best daily to smile or laugh. I know many are surprised especially when you are in an uncomfortable situation. To me, that is when you need that laughter the most. In times when you are low down there, you have to laugh or smile more,” she continued.
We need laughter more when we are in a negative situation. Laughter uplifts our mood and releases our stress hormones. When we smile, we give out a positive outlook of who we are. That outlook helps us in the different aspects of our lives. Nayella told me that is what has made her successful in her beauty products business. There was a post I wrote about Want A Thriving Business? Focus On Your Smile! You can read it and see how smiles can change your business.
Fear Should Not Hold You Back
“The fear of taking the responsibility of bringing up my children alone was what held me back for those horrible days of my life,” Nayella said. “Once you give in to fear, it ruins your mind and transform dreams into nightmares. I was there, I have been there a lot of times”, she continued. “Life has thought me a great lesson. The things you fear are actually not as scary as the nightmares you build in your mind. Fear is in the mind, and deters you from carrying out anything. The moment you put your fears behind you, then you will start to reap the benefits of turning your nightmares into dreams. Dreams are achievable”, Nayella said.
What is the worst that can ever happen? Life is full of trying moments. It’s normal to have obstacles, but you will come out positive if only you go towards those obstacles and not run away from them. Always try to turn the obstacles to your own advantage. Nayella’s boyfriend left her just with a note and two great kids. The note could only bring her sorrow, but the kids made her to smile and have something to live for. She chose the kids, life and today she is running her own business successfully with her kids being an inspiration to almost all of what she is doing.
Don’t let sad events ruin your life. You have a choice to make when it comes to where you focus your attention and how you will choose to react in any situation that comes your way. There are many more things you can do stay positive in life. The above are just what I gathered from my chat with Nayella.
If you have a similar story like that of Nayella, don’t hesitate to share, especially how you turned a negative situation into a positive one. Use the comment box below.